Special Guest Blogger : We Must Not Stop the War

Corporate Jesus is on an intergalactic cruise looking for another planet full of relatively intelligent, but extremely greedy and intellectually lazy and dishonest lifeforms to spread his message of never ending riches and Corporate salvation to.

Brother Felps is sitting in.

People are always asking me "how many more soldiers must die for no reason in Iraq" lately and it gets me so riled up I wonder how I stop myself from slapping those yellow bellied 6th grade cowards in the evangelical christian church youth group I pastor upside the head in honor of my hero the great George S. "upside your head" Patton. Often I can feel the righteous indignation rising up from the depths of my loins, especially when I question the boys as they sit on my lap during Secret Holy tutoring time. I tell them we are all soldiers in the war of good against evil and whether or not they actually get to kill an Iraqi, or an Afghani, or an Iranian, or a Pakistani, or a Venezuelan, or a Guatemalan, or a Syrian, or a Korean, or a Peruvian, or a Mexican, or a Saudi, or a Canadian, or a homosexual, or a socialist, or a muslim, or even a snotty cheese sniffing Frenchman their silent obedience is valued too. I tell them all they have to do is watch cable TV and go shopping and they still get to have the blood of Iraqi children on their hands. I tell them they need to think about how people who are different from white christian males are all potential enemies of Jesus. I tell them how people that ask too many questions are in league with the Devil. If we all hate the right people with enough hate for a sustained and intent enough time then good will prevail. You do know the Secret don't you?

Although I've never been a soldier I often have fantasies about them and their righteous sin destroying violence. Their sweaty shirtless bloodlust, their bulging manly muscles, and that wide stance to support the sheer weight and enormity of their massive gun. I know that their heroic deaths are for a purpose. It's so the children can keep watching TV. It's so that the homosexual urges lose. It's so the chosen and God blessed rich have extra large crumbs for the rest of us to lick off their boots. It's so that you don't have to think about it. It's so you can keep believing in your goodness. It's so that there will be no accountability for those in charge of putting those soldiers where they are. It's so Kentucky can build creationist museums. It's so that we all can be a part of building the new Corporate Republic. It's so those absentee ballots won't ever get counted. It's so Congressmen and Senators can have sex with prostitutes and go on golfing trips paid for by Corporations. It's so George never has to say he was wrong. No those deaths certainly mean something. And every single one from now on means the exact same thing.

Because we are a good country everything we do is also good. Do you hear me brothers. All we do is good because God is on our side. Torturing innocent people? Lord you said it is good. Bombing foreign civilians? Lord you said it is good. Destroying the atmosphere? Yes Lord. Stealing from the poor to give to the rich. Amen Lord. Fixing the vote? With your help Lord. Selling off public lands? Thank You Lord may we have another. We do it all and more, and He rewards us with riches in this life and eternal life in the next. Even now brother Falwell is gathered up in heaven with the Lord, just waiting until the End of Days which he will blame on the homosexuals.

And the Lord blesses all of us.

Will this be the next great government whitewash?

Please continue to conduct all business as usual.

Get Riches* Here!!

Get Corporate Forgiveness Here!!

Get Individual Forgiveness Here!!

Corporate Jesus T-Shirt and Mini Button!!

*Riches currently only for Corporations

A Message From the Mothership

Dear Humanity,
Thanks for your interest in becoming a member of The Planetary Confederation of Intelligent Lifeforms. The governing Council has reviewed your qualifications and determined that although you are able to launch manned and unmanned rockets into orbit and to nearby heavenly bodies they are not interested in granting your species a membership in the Confederation at this time.

Certain members of the Council objected to the decades long pollution of the radiosphere with your insipid television broadcasts, others found your predilection for violence troubling, still others stressed the importance of making sure your species is not allowed to destroy any other planets aside from your own. The most important factor in the decision was the complete lack of actual intelligence demonstrated over and over by your species. Although there have been outstanding individuals that were advanced enough to earn your species the opportunity to be considered for membership in the Galactic community, they have been far and few between and always ignored by those that wield the actual power over the resources of your planet.

Unfortunately our records indicate that your species will be extinct by the time you qualify for another review by the Council.

Sincerely,
The Planetary Council of Intelligent Lifeforms
Milky Way Governing Council

Please continue to conduct all business as usual.

Get Riches* Here!!

Get Corporate Forgiveness Here!!

Get Individual Forgiveness Here!!

Corporate Jesus T-Shirt and Mini Button!!

*Riches currently only for Corporations

Some of My Favorite Things

I love that most all Americans believe that they can become anything they want if they work hard enough for it. Thing is if you were born in poverty, it's a 95% certainty you'll die in poverty and your children will too. The rich always get richer and when no one enforces the rules white collar banditry is basically legal. It comes down to paying off the right people. And Incorporation. I love Corporate Personhood. Don't know what that is? Good. You can steal, poison, deceive, defraud, and otherwise exploit anyone you can when you're a Corporation. But you have to cut the politicians in. No exceptions. And you must also cut in Corporate Jesus. He's here to help you pay for your sins, to help you let go of your guilt. Corporations have personhood, and thus they have souls. Multiple souls. Your shares of stock are shares of your soul that are claimed by the Corporation. God chose you and your Corporation to receive His gifts, not only in Heaven, but now on the Earth too. He didn't chose those brown skinned immigrants you pay to mow your lawn. He didn't chose those foreign tongued Allah worshiping towel heads we drop bombs on. He chose you because you're better and more worthy than everyone else.

I love that the social safety nets have been removed in favor of draconian laws, privatized prisons and privatized police forces. Now Corporations with interconnected Boards have the opportunity to use the mass media to push the populace to demand more safety from the latest scapegoat threat, meaning we need more police and a lot more prisons. This is going to be the new gold rush, it's going to be just as good as the Military-Industrial-Media Complex, or credit cards and payday loans. The boomer generation are all scared, ignorant, easily manipulated little children, they have been all their lives. Then there was the "greatest" generation. Saved the world from fascism didn't they? They all call out for a totalitarian police state, they plead for the government to take their freedoms so they can be safe. No one says anything about the way the government is spying on all of the people. No one except PBS, who much of the country doesn't even watch or receive freely on their airwaves. If you haven't seen it on the TV news then it hasn't been seen by America. It's there to be known if you want to see it. But why would you. The graphics aren't as flashy, you won't be able to understand it in 20 seconds, and you probably won't get a good look at any boobies. Besides, to know that the citizenry has given up their freedoms for the promise of safety is to only catch a glimpse of truth. I also love that no one says monopoly anymore. Can you go a day without paying or owning money to a Corporation? No you can't. Corporations and the government have already combined. Mix in some religion and now we can start multiple pre-emptive wars. There is a name for this kind of government.

I love that the people believe this country is a shining light in a dark world. The belief that our intentions are always good. That's a good one. Without that widespread belief we couldn't exploit all those foreign workers and steal the resources from the lands they live in. With the unsaid approval of the ignorant and compliant populace we do it all. Those dirt worshiping savages need us to come and save them from their ignorance, or at least bomb them out of their misguided socialism. How could we pollute and plunder like we do if America didn't believe it were such a good place. Truth is we've been Imperial Capitalists bent on dominating the planet since the 1890's. There was a little push back during the Great Depression, but we've been rolling like gangbusters since 1947. Generation after generation of lies built upon lies. How many countries have we destabilized? How many people have been killed in our name? And now we're almost completely finished transforming into a fascist nation. What? No! It couldn't happen here. Are you sure? Completely sure? A shining light indeed. It's a surefire big money maker though.

I love the future of this country. Of course the real face of fascism will really come into focus after a few more catastrophic climate events. What are you going to do with a populace that has to turn to criminal behavior to feed themselves? Well you're going to have to put them into a prison. You have to enforce the rule of law, at least for the very poorest among us anyway. You're going to have to put them into a prison built by a private Corporation that gets big money contracts from the government that is run by Republicans and Democrats, and in turn the Corporation contributes enough money to those Republicans and Democrats to pay to another Corporation for mass media advertising and favoritism in order to stay in power so that they can all continue to enrich themselves. It's a beautiful con. And that's okay, because God blesses the chosen with riches. Like Mitt Romney. Bless him and the planet he'll be ruling in the afterlife. Bless Hillary Clinton. Bless Sam Brownback. Bless Joe Lieberman. Bless them all. In truth the climate is going to be changing rapidly and the actions we take now will really have little to no effect on the immediate future. There were opportunities to change in the past, but the warnings were ignored in favor of religious zealotry and money. The amount of pollutants that have already been pumped into the atmosphere are doing things that were not supposed to happen for decades. So the rich really will be the chosen when drinking water costs $10 a quart. They will be the most "fit" for survival. We know you don't understand, just keep watching TV and going into debt. We'll be busy getting rich off your laziness and ignorance. I love this country. And this country loves me.

Is your Congressional Representative one of the 20 most corrupt?
Find Out Here.

P.S. We're all Harry.

Please continue to conduct all business as usual.

Get Riches* Here!!

Get Corporate Forgiveness Here!!

Get Individual Forgiveness Here!!

Corporate Jesus T-Shirt and Mini Button!!

*Riches currently only for Corporations

A New Addition to the Family

"In my heart America is a good and free country, it's only the facts that show otherwise."

Some believe that to become a deity in the next world you must be worshiped in this one.

Nearly 60 years of creeping fascism and counting!!

Please continue to conduct all business as usual.

Get Riches* Here!!

Get Corporate Forgiveness Here!!

Get Individual Forgiveness Here!!

Corporate Jesus T-Shirt and Mini Button!!

*Riches currently only for Corporations

There Is No Longer Any Doubt

Be sure to factor in the earth's climate when making your choice.

Some quotes from an interview with Dr. Pachauri, chairman of the IPCC

Climate change is not something in the future. It’s already here.

We’re likely to have problems with respect to water supplies in the U.S.

If the impact of climate change is going to make regions of violence poorer, then they really provide a level of fertility for inciting disaffection, resentment against the prosperous world.

Of Special Note (Thanks Thad Cochran, Thanks Mississippi):

Senate conservatives “effectively killed a measure that would have let Americans buy prescription medicines from foreign suppliers, which sponsors said could have saved consumers billions of dollars.” A ‘poison pill’ amendment from Sen. Thad Cochran (R-MS) passed 49-40 in a “major victory for the pharmaceutical industry.”

Please continue to conduct all business as usual.

Get Riches* Here!!

Get Corporate Forgiveness Here!!

Get Individual Forgiveness Here!!

Corporate Jesus T-Shirt and Mini Button!!

*Riches currently only for Corporations

Quilted for His Comfort

Please continue to conduct all business as usual.

Get Riches* Here!!

Get Corporate Forgiveness Here!!

Get Individual Forgiveness Here!!

Corporate Jesus T-Shirt and Mini Button!!

*Riches currently only for Corporations