Corporate Jesus: Special Guest Blogger: Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Special Guest Blogger: Dr. Schill
"You can put lipstick on a pig, but not if you want bacon!"

Corporate Jesus has an extremely busy schedule during this special time of the year that leads up to his birthday, so he asked me if I might take a crack at writing a special piece for his blog this week. I figured what the hay, you know you can take a horse to water and make it drink if you bomb it long enough!

This time of year is indeed the most wonderful time of the year, especially for large corporate retailers, but one thing that can help guarantee your satisfaction with your gifts this year is to temper your expectations. There is a special 3% of the population that probably will get everything they want for Christmas this year, but for the other 97% a good attitude can make the difference between a simply disappointing day and a violent drunken incident.

I've included this helpful chart to prepare you for the possible differences in what you wanted and what you got: (scroll down, and don't update to Blogger Beta, it's jacked up!!)

WANT	GET
Luxury Sedan	sweater from Target
80GB iPod Video	Zune MP3 player
Gibson Les Paul	Gibson guitar calender
Spinning Rims	Anaconda DVD
42" Plasma TV	AM/FM clock radio
Playstation 3	Checkers/Chess boardgame
Middle East Democracy	Shiite superstate
Universal Healthcare	Health Industry/Pharma writes its own rules
Peace	more war for oil
Politicians that represent the people	Dems owned by corporations too
Economic Fairness	rich get richer
Address Global warming	too late
Better education	Intelligent design
Sensible Drug Laws	Largest prison population on earth
New Energy Solutions	see Peace